Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Every day it gets a little bit closer

Each day I feel a bit worse. Each night I think that the next day will see a change, but then the alarm goes and I feel glued to the bed. My head is so heavy. It’s throbbing with all the worries I conjure up. With the tears trapped behind my eyes. I’m all dizzy and numb and there’s no way out of it.

I just want to get back into bed, snuggle under the covers and sleep. Block out life. I need to be dead for a little while so that my sore brain can have a rest. When I do get into bed I lie there feeling the tears run out of the sides of my eyes. They make damp patches in my hair and itchy pools in my ears.

I wonder how this will end. I’m past the stage where I’m feeling nasty and want to lash out at everyone. I’m at the scary point where I really don’t care anymore. I don’t care enough to hate. I just feel nothing.

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